Practicing Patience…

“Where ever you are, be ALL there.” – Jim Elliot

This quote “organically” popped up during my Google search for quotes about ‘being present’ & I think this was God telling my black ass to appreciate where the hell I am right now—- in this very moment.

I think it’s really easy to become enmeshed in your; goals- aspirations- wants- & ultimately your ‘what’s next’. I also realize that a symptom of being enmeshed in the future is not being able to fully embrace the blessings you are currently reaping.

Over the last few months it seems that all I have heard about are young people leaving their earthly form too soon. I have to be honest, as selfish as it may sound- the loss of so many young, beautiful and vibrant people has made me re-evaluate my own mortality.

How is it that I am still alive and breathing? How is it that I am blessed enough to continue to experience growth and see new and exciting things each day? I know that God loves all his children, but even when I am at my most ungrateful/undeserving the Lord allows me a chance to get it right by granting me another day of life.

I guess I am just feeling abundantly grateful.

Grateful that I exist.

Things aren’t perfect and I am human so I still have my “wants”, but my goodness the feeling of weight that fell off of my shoulders when I truly let go and let God was invigorating. I want to be present- I want to truly take in each and every moment that I am afforded by the grace of God.

I encourage you all to do the same.

Live BOLDLY,

Bri

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Feeling like an unsolicited rant.

I struggled thinking of what to write about/ rant about next… so I decided to not write anything for a little while…

Life, work, more life—seemed like a valid excuse to contemplate the consistency of my blogs, right? Welp… I was wrong. Writing is therapeutic for me & I need a lot of therapy so I guess my ass will keep writing haha!

Per usual I feel myself entering a very different and unique phase of my womanhood. Things that bothered me before- bother me much less now. Negative feelings I harbored for so long- are fading. I’ve been trying for so long to get to a point of peace and I think I’m on the verge if I just allow God to truly take over and remit all control.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6-7

These are a few quotes that accurately define my sentiments and the space that I am in right now. Can you identify?

I’ve heard that your 20s are some of the most transformative and challenging years of your life and I must say—there is no lie in that sentiment.

It’s funny when I was in high school I was wishing for college…when I got to college I was wishing for graduation and “true adulthood”.

Post-graduate school I was wishing I could go back to those carefree college years! It’s amazing how your perspective changes or dare I say— elevates as you age. I will acknowledge, however, that there is a certain level of freedom that you get as a full-grown adult that your aren’t permitted as a “child” and that I would not trade for anything.

I will also admit that because of all of the responsibilities you accrue as a full- grown adult (bills, relationships (familial or otherwise), work, health, kids (for some))… have a way of keeping you from truly spreading your wings and experiencing the carefree spirit that supposedly accompanies this long- awaited “freedom”.

I’ll spare you the soliloquy though and skip to my point(s):

  1. Get satisfied with being unsatisfied- now this is not me telling you to be okay with mediocrity, but it is me pushing challenging you to acknowledge that being a human makes you susceptible a range of emotions… many of which lead you to feel (even in your happiest of moments) unfulfilled. What I’ve learned to do is just accept that nothing is ever going to be perfect, go according to plan or feel 100% right every time.
  2. Appreciate the little things- this is a time old adage that is still very relevant. When you take a moment to truly reflect on what really matters… like beyond material things, accomplishments or the approval of others… you begin to understand that something seemingly as simple as waking up to see another day, breathing (easily), being able to see the ones you love (in physical form), having a functional mind and working limbs are so much more invaluable. Meditate on that for a moment….
  3. Be happy- life is entirely too short to be anything else.

Live BOLDLY,

Bri

Strength…

That’s what I’m Feelin Like…

This month was rough.

I won’t disclose details of what I am going through… as I am still in the thick if it, but I will acknowledge that the most difficult emotion I have to manage is DISAPPOINTMENT.

I’m sure so many people can relate to that heavy feeling you get in the core of your stomach when you receive news that something you planned on manifesting, will in fact actually NOT materialize. Couple that heavy feeling in the core of your stomach with the lump in your throat signifying the imminent release of tears and you have a perfect storm impending depression.

Honestly, I think much of what I am experiencing comes from my innate need to control and plan. I’ve been working on myself and doing my best to “check myself” when I see either of these characteristics rearing their heads, but I would be lying if I didn’t mention how difficult it is to do this. I also, would be lying if I didn’t mention that I feel strongly that a person should have “a plan”, but that the plan should be flexible and able to bend to God’s will for your life— cue Bri “checkin herself”— have a plan, but know that God’s plan is greater.

I’m at the point now where I want whatever God wants for my life— personally, professionally, spiritually any other ‘ally’ that you can think of. I’m tired of fighting reality and understand now that I must truly sit and try to thrive where I am in my life and relish in gratitude that I still have my life.

I am truly humbled whenever I think of how far God has brought me over the course of my life and during a time like this when it is soooo easy for me to be down on myself and be angry —it’s refreshing to know that I am still moving forward <slow ass hell… but forward>.

My hope is that anyone who took the time to read this post and is experiencing similar emotions can find solace in knowing that existing today means that you have elevated further than you were yesterday.

You are amazing, you are worthy and you are loved.

Keep pushing, keep grinding & keep your head up!

Live BOLDLY,

Bri

Feeling Like…It’s Not About You

It’s been some time since I last checked in…

As you could imagine, life happens and sometimes you get distracted from the very thing that bring you the most joy. For me, it’s blogging my feelings and leaving my <sometimes> invalidated emotions on this white screen.

To be honest, this particular (growth) season for me is one where I am learning to truly understand that the interactions I have with people are often not even about me at all.

Let me elaborate…

I’ve been encountering A LOT of mean-spirited and miserable people lately—all of which in some shape or form have made an inappropriate comment or have treated me in a way that felt rude/ unprofessional. My first inclination, as with many individuals, was to assume that I had done something indirectly that served as an impetus to these unpleasant interactions… was there something I did? was there something I said?

is it me?

Naturally, I’d check -in with someone close to me/who knows me well to see if there was something that I should have changed in my reaction to the situation & every time & I do mean EVERY TIME…. the response was,” Bri, I really don’t think this has anything to do with you personally.”

Ahhh…. the Cancerian in me always seems to accept fault first before evaluating what she <me> actually did right.

Today, I realize that the quote, “be kind, you never know what someone is going through” is applicable (sometimes minus the “be kind” [because some of y’all don’t deserve it tbh].

It’s so true though, many people are fighting demons that you will never know about and often times innocent bystanders receive that brunt of the effects of peoples internalized battles.

SN: My vibrations are high… even when I am a little off my game… and I think because of this, people who are hurting and actively dealing with challenges are attracted to my energy. Almost like they want to suck it out of me in hopes of stripping their own pain away- leaving me to collect the broken pieces of my spirit & most times with a pissy attitude.

Ultimately, the take away from today’s ramblings is to realize that sometimes people are assholes because they are hurting and that’s how their hurt manifests

AND…

sometimes people are assholes because…well… they are simply just assholes <insert shrug emoji>.

Either way, be kind to yourself & don’t internalize hurt that doesn’t belong to you—you have enough of your own.

Let that negativity drop off you like grease from a Jheri curl & move on with your beautiful ass day!

Live BOLDLY,

Bri

Feelin Like… I Gotta Stop Waiting on This Magic Moment!

So, this is it— 2019! We made it to a new year y’all!

So what’s new? Anyone <insert shifty emoji eyes> no? Crickets..?

Yea, same here dude lmao!

I always start a new year feeling super optimistic, super excited and super motivated to get a head start on my goals — to give birth to this new and improved version of myself that I haven’t even fully conceptualized yet—however, usually about a month in I realize that simply because it is a new year doesn’t mean that my circumstances will magically change.

I had two very important goals on my list (I’ll reveal in a later post when appropriate) & neither of them has come to fruition to date… as I reflected on why this is…I realized that I am the barrier holding myself back from achieving my goals.

I’ve allowed fear of failure

fear of judgment

fear of damaging relationships to determine my next moves.

This behavior has been extremely counterproductive and has left me feeling unfulfilled, overlooked and a little resentful to be completely honest.

I realize now, that my next move needs to be my best move & just because some people view me as “young-ish” doesn’t absolve me from taking chances and shooting my shot when appropriate (even if it is a longggg shot haha)

The fact of the matter is, that no one truly knows how long we have in this life young or old— live your best life now or live to regret it later.

I don’t know about y’all, but I’m super excited to explore what “living your best life” means for me and I am not going to waste any more of my precious time waiting on the next man’s hand to feed me.

I am my own responsibility-

No one, but God will love me the way that I love me-

& I need to honor this life— in each and every beautiful moment I am fortunate enough to have.

Live BOLDLY,

Bri

Bria 2.0

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“My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations.” -Michael J. Fox

So, I turned 26 …

And I’m nowhere near where I planned to be at this age (either in a corner office as Director of Communications or sitting as CEO of my own non-profit) however, I haven’t ruled out the fact that I simply just haven’t had enough time to put all the pieces together to get there.

I remember sitting in the back of mom’s van at 10 or 11 years old and saying (in my head, of course, lol), “I can’t wait until I turn 18 and I can be brave, independent and successful!” Though I’m confident that I’ve gotten the brave part down, been independent for quite some time and have experienced small successes along the way—I’ve still not transformed into that ‘Bria 2.0’ that I so long to be.

Don’t get me wrong— I’m super proud of who I am, how my maturity and self-efficacy have skyrocketed…(here comes the BUT Haha)…but, there are still so many things that I’d like to experience in my life.

This, I feel, is the plight of being human. We want & want & want— it’s not until we have things stripped from us that we realize how blessed and fortunate we are. Should this notion keep us from striving for more? That I’m not sure of.

I want to acknowledge how grateful I am that God has always coupled my loss with gain and my pain with joy. All things being equal, I’ve been quite fortunate in my life. And though I will probably always want more… I will always try my best to remain humble and grateful for my current state.

Bria 2.0— I hope you are who I have imagined all these years and I hope that the one thing you maintain from your past self (who we are now) is your heart. Never stop giving, believing, hoping and persevering. Your heart is what makes you who you are after everything else is stripped away.

Live BOLDLY,

Bri

Feelin Like the Start of 26

I decided to write this one from my phone- cause well… who the hell cares where I write from lol

This short week I’ve been on vacation (for my birthday) has taught me 2 major things about myself;

1. That I’m still getting used to being content with myself & not having a gang of people around me 24/7

2. I’m strong ass hell

That first item is hard to admit because, for a long time it was embarrassing to acknowledge the loneliness I felt these past few months. It felt like I was conceding to a loss and to be honest I did lose quite a bit up until this point. The funny thing about it is that I gained so much more in return.

I gained confidence in my independence- understanding that it was okay to be vulnerable and sad and unsure but, to not allow those feeling to debilitate me.

I learned that I am a fighter in truest form and that the same gumption I have in advocating for others – I must have for myself.

I’ve become more humble in owning my mistakes because… well, I’m fucking human and will probably continue to make them lol

Ultimately, I’ve come to truly appreciate my strength of character and understand that the way I forgive & my kindness are not a weakness but, a sign of my power.

Year 25 was a freakin whirlwind of hard lessons, tough decisions ,and hurt feelings -sprinkled with professional development, successes, and the start of several unique friendships.

It also was a year of growth in my relationship with my boyfriend (of 4+ years). I’ll save that for another blog lol

I’m thankful to have reached year 26 ,and I’m so curious as to what experiences I will have next.

I’m ready!

Live Boldly,

Bri

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