Feelin Like… Simplicity & Lists

Anybody ever struggle with that “stuck” feeling?

That…  “It seems like I have all the steps mapped out in my head” feeling but, for some reason my actual life is not actionably following through?

Yea, it’s a sucky feeling.

What I have realized in these past few weeks is that I literally ‘am the barrier between this static feeling and my actual progression. There is literally no reason why I can not achieve my hearts desires- like literally no reason y’all lol

You know… it’s the most euphoric experience to really understand that your freedom is at your fingertips. The person charged with moving the dial- is you!

Let me back up a bit: now I will be transparent and mention that I am a “list-er” ( this is me trying to make-up a cool term for my frequent impulse to create list after list after list lol)

I try to start my mornings by creating a list of tasks that I need to accomplish in order to meet my goal for that day por ejemplo (for example): If my goal for the day is to make it to my 2pm doctors appointment “on -time” then that means I may create a list of all the other tasks I need to complete before 12:30pm in order for me to be on the road in time enough to be at the appointment.

Hmmmm… maybe not the best example- but, you get the general gist.

Write the vision- make it plain – accomplish your goals- own your freedom.

It can all be so simple 🙂

Live BOLDLY,

Bri

 

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Feelin Like #issaNEWYEAR…

2018 is around the corner…LITERALLY & I must say I’m feeling quite confident that with this new year, I will make a conscious decision to rebuild myself.

What’s this crazy girl talking about!? Right?

Well… these last 3 months have been extremely eye-opening for me to say the very least and hurt-FULL to say the most. I learned that sometimes letting go is what you have to do to grow & raw self-evaluation is the most difficult & necessary thing you must do in order to mature.

I’ve learned that I have a tough time telling people the hard truth- like the type of truth that you know is reality but may hurt the person whose reality it belongs to? Welp…to say I’m over doing that would not quite capture how much I’ve grown to abhor that characteristic of mine.

I’ve learned that I do entirely too much for others & expect absolutely nothing in return. And I know..I know… “But, Bria you’re suppose to give without expectation of receiving.”

Guess what- that only works in some situations- not all- I’m a giver by nature but, if you’re in a situation where the dynamic is that you give & get nothing (more than 80% of the time)

Ummmm… that’s not a situation you should want to be a part of.

I’ve also learned that I carry a great deal of self-doubt when it comes to trying my hand at new things. I often times jump to the most negative conclusions without acknowledging that perfection doesn’t always have to be the expectation- trying and failing is just as great as achieving because you will ALWAYS LEARN!

Needless to say there are a slew of other things that I learned about myself or rather “owned up to” about myself & because of this deep introspection I inflicted on myself- I felt it necessary to also re-evaluate the things around me.

I won’t say my process is perfect but, I’m feelin hella confident & hella stress free right now! I’m loving Bria & loving the fact that I feel like I’m moving in a forward trajectory.

I hope you all can do the same!

Live Boldly,

Bri

Feelin Like alil Reflection…

When I was younger I had a lot of responsibility. I had to quickly learn that though I was the center of my own world, I was not the center of the world for those around me (with the exception of my mother’s world of course).

I used 80% of my energy focusing on how I could make the lives of my siblings a bit less difficult and 20% to ensure that I kept my grades up and that I participated in some form of extra-curricular activity, as the goal was always to go to college (s/o to all my first generation college students). Having a father that dealt with severe alcoholism and a mother that had to work crazy hours to support the entire family were factors that made for a very colorful childhood. Of course, I’m using colorful as a more delicate word for challenging. Though I realize everyone has a ghetto story and that mine is not the worst, I have to acknowledge that mine is unique because it has defined me in a way that is so undeniably powerful that I have to be grateful for it. I had honed so many life skills and learned a great deal about myself and the power of poor choices at a very young age. I can’t help but feel that as an adult I’m more prepared than most to deal with the upsets, let downs and hard lessons that we must face to earn our stripes through maturity.

I will be completely transparent though- losing my father was an experience I was not and could not ever be prepared for. He was killed on December 28th 2013 and everyday it feels like it was just a short time ago. That period, which happened to also be my last year of college as well as my year reigning as Miss Claflin University, was the most depressing period of my life. I drank wayyy too much, I stayed in bed for days, did not eat, then over-ate, cried so much I literally couldn’t produce real tears, and quite literally felt like a zombie. I suppose I was kind of just going through the motions of life because that’s what everyone wants you to do right? Be normal and not make them uncomfortable, even when you’re having a rough run.

I have to admit I didn’t quite start to feel like myself again, until I started graduate school in August of 2015 and began to challenge myself in the only way I know how- learning new things!

I feel like I thrived in that program and the day I received my Master’s felt like I conquered some of the largest demons in my life. I just knew I would get a great job easily, finally move out of my mother’s house and be that much closer to this successful image I dreamed up as a young girl.  I quickly realized that my “struggle” journey wasn’t ending – it was just beginning.  I never in my life got turned down by sooooo manyyyyy jobsssss. It was like every month I would apply for like 15-20 jobs and every month I would get an inbox full of declination’s. Occasionally I would get an offer for an interview, only to find out that the job being offered was a scam or not paying enough to buy a roll of toilet paper.

After about 6 or 7 months of searching I began to feel a similar feeling to what I felt after the passing of my father. It tasted like failure mixed in with hopelessness. I just couldn’t understand why this was happening to me, why did I always have to literally bust my ass to get each and every thing in my life when other young people have so much handed to them on a silver platter. I began to become mad with God and question what my purpose was. I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t eating much, I stayed in my room days and days at time. It was horrible. But, I guess that’s depression. You kind of feel like you’re out of options. The funniest part about it, in my opinion, is that I hid it soooo well, like I do with most things. I hate when people treat me like I’m broken. But, don’t most of us hate that?

I eventually came to the understanding that often times you have to lose a lot to gain a lot. I must say, I am not in any way at the climax of success but, it doesn’t feel quite so unattainable anymore. I have a good job, I bought a new car and I’m well on my way to moving into my first place with my best friend (boyfriend).  I understand now that patience is truly the key to maintaining sanity and managing your mental health. When you put yourself on a schedule, you are not allowing God to order your steps…instead your telling him you think you know best and most of us know- that just ain’t it.

So, I share this brief glimpse of reflection with you all not to be somber or gloomy but, to encourage you to move past your disappointments. Don’t allow loss or shut doors to define your ability to succeed. Be great because, you can and be HAPPY because, you deserve it!

You are your biggest roadblock- get out of your own way (I sound like a cheap motivational speaker now, right?! Haha).

Live BOLDLY,

Bri

Feelin Like It’s Time To Let My Hair Down (Metaphorically Speaking Of Course)…

Your ever had one of those days when you feel like you just need a drink?

Like everything that has been bothering you for the past few weeks (that you’ve done an amazing job ignoring lol) is coming to a head and you just need to unwind before you choose the “unhealthy” alternative and snap out on someone. I place unhealthy in quotes because, often times unloading on the right person (not to be confused with an innocent bystander) can make you feel phenomenal!

But, I digress…

I think it’s important to treat ya self, by ya self sometimes so that you can think through what has been funneling through your mind and try to appropriately compartmentalize and prioritize where your energy is best spent. I will refer to my very first post about “feelin NEW” and cutting off stress… yea…that’s a very real & very active process in my life currently.

If  YOU or IT = Stress for me… Trust me, I will disengage entirely to save myself the mental anguish lol

Gotta put yourself first sometimes right!? <insert yellow emoji face with fly sunglasses>

Live BOLDLY,

Bri

Follow me on IG @inspiredby_bri

Feelin Like Maybe I’m alil More Emotionally Distressed Than I Thought…

For the past week I’ve been having variations of two dreams where I’m either falling underwater or trapped and being chased by some ghoulish creature in a dungeon of some sort.

I know…kinda dark right¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So, if you know me (which many of you do not) I am the 👑 of researching the meaning of something on Google lol & here is what my search revealed:

The “Falling Into Some Large Body of Water” dream-symbolizes a retreat back into the womb or something causing you to feel helpless in your waking life…

The “Being Trapped & Chased by Some Ghoulish Creature in a Dungeon” dream-represents running away from the truth or a feeling of being trapped in the daily grind of life and wanting to escape.

How do I interpret this… I’m a control freak that has absolutely no control in what has been happening in my life lately. There are so many things that I want to do and in my mind I have literally made up deadlines (that I have not yet met-SURPRISE lol) to accomplish these “things.” You know its funny, I think my generation does that a lot, making deadlines as to when we should have this or that OR have done this or that…it’s actually really silly when you think about it because, we apply unnecessary pressure to ourselves which is usually influenced by what we’ve seen someone else do.

Yet, we call ourselves “trendsetters” or “originals” right? All we do is compare ourselves to others and copy what we think looks best reflected in our lives.

wow… that was a total side bar conversation lol back to my dreams…

Ultimately, I feel like I need to take a step back & truly think about what is important in my life at this very moment and what will help maintain my mental wellness because, without that I really can not honestly say that I am taking good care of myself.

I need to put the needs and wants of others on the back burner and genuinely seek to please myself. Whether it be taking a break from my phone (not responding to every text or call), treating myself to a spa day, going out on a date with my boyfriend or someone that I feel adds joy to my life, removing “users” & people that are jealous of or unequipped to handle my light (this will be a separate blog entry lol) or just laying in bed belly up – listening to relaxing music….

WHATEVER I want to do-

NEED to do-

is what I WILL do.

Between that and focusing on my relationship with God maybe I will stop falling into those deep dream waters and ending up in dusty dungeons with ghouls lol

Live BOLDLY,

Bri

Follow me on IG@inspired_bybri

Feeling like I want what I want…

Today started off  like any other.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed (per usual), checked myself & said a prayer asking God to lift my spirits.

Got washed, didn’t do my hair (this again, is the beauty of having short hair) & threw some semi-work appropriate attire on (comfort is key for me).  

Didn’t feel like driving or paying for parking so, I decided to hop on the train today (luxury of working in center city) & relaxed listening to Amani (I think there is supposed to be an accent over the A? oh well..) & Masego all the way to my stop at City Hall. 

Now, I say that I’m trying to give up caffeine crack but, as with any addiction— it takes time & dedication— ultimately, I’m just not ready to give up my small black coffee from Dunkin D lol 

So, anyways I get in line, placemy order & then decide I want some glazed Munchkins to munch on (insert wink emoji as a nod to my alliteration skills). I ask the cashier to give me a dollars worth of Munchkins, which ended up only being 4 so I asked her (kindly I might add) to give me 4 more. She abruptly says, “Ms. just buy the box you get two more and save a penny”-  I kindly respond,  “I’d just like the 4 I asked for” – she, again abruptly retorts, “Why!? why you don’t just buy the box!” ( & yes, the way I wrote her statement is the precise grammar she chose smh)- Again, slightly more irritated but still kindly I respond, “Please just give me what I asked for I don’t care how much it costs.”

Long story short, I walked out with precisely what I asked for & though an unnecessary discourse took place before I could attain exactly what I wanted, it was worth it to have the satisfaction in knowing what I wanted is what I got.

Now, you might say what was the big deal?

Well, for one thing I know for fact that the pre-boxed donuts, for what ever reason, aren’t as fresh as the ones on the wall. Secondly, the over-arching issue was that as a woman, especially as a Black( this is not academic writing & I will ALWAYS capitalize the ‘B’ in Black) woman we are expected to take what is given to us, say thank you & be happy that what was given was even offered. We are expected to not speak up, for fear that the world may view us as obnoxious or “ghetto” and as a result feel obligated to accept silence as the more practical alternative. 

Welp, I amNOT accepting what is offered, unless it’s something I’m truly happy with.

IWILLspeak up because, I will not be forced into silence due to the ignorance of others.

& most importantly, even if its something as minimal as an order I place at Dunkin D, IEXPECTto be given what I ask for without the assumption being that I lack rationale behind my decisions.

Live BOLDLY,

Bri

Follow me on IG @inspired_bybri

Feeling like IDGAF

My title is a bit abrasive right?

Welp- I think it’s pretty appropriate given my current frame of mind. As I truly begin to settle into my 25 year old self, I understand now that I have been giving wayyyy too much energy to people, situations & things that truly do not deserve it. In the past I was literally the person who would stress out to the point of physical sickness about whether I made someone feel upset, sad or even frustrated by something I did. I would fixate on the experience the other person was going through instead of freeing myself and moving on. 

I’m not sure if I’ve just reached a breaking point or if with age the tolerance one has for bullshit gets exceptionally low but, it’s a wrap guys <insert laughing so hard I’m crying emoji>.

I am officially putting myself first! lol

Now that is not to say that if I mess up, I won’t be accountable- that’s the furthest from reality. If not anything I am & always will be accountable for my actions. However, after an apology or rectification- will I ruminate over the situation—-AbSolUteLy not— What I have accepted is that I can not, will not, and have no desire to please everyone. 

Sometimes you just have to accept that some situations can’t be resolved & that it’s okay to move on.

Be proud of yourself for trying, but be more proud of yourself for determining where your energy is best placed.

Live BOLDLY, 

Bri 

Follow me on IG @inspired_bybri