Bria 2.0

“My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations.” -Michael J. Fox

So, I turned 26 …

And I’m nowhere near where I planned to be at this age (either in a corner office as Director of Communications or sitting as CEO of my own non-profit) however, I haven’t ruled out the fact that I simply just haven’t had enough time to put all the pieces together to get there.

I remember sitting in the back of mom’s van at 10 or 11 years old and saying (in my head, of course, lol), “I can’t wait until I turn 18 and I can be brave, independent and successful!” Though I’m confident that I’ve gotten the brave part down, been independent for quite some time and have experienced small successes along the way—I’ve still not transformed into that ‘Bria 2.0’ that I so long to be.

Don’t get me wrong— I’m super proud of who I am, how my maturity and self-efficacy have skyrocketed…(here comes the BUT Haha)…but, there are still so many things that I’d like to experience in my life.

This, I feel, is the plight of being human. We want & want & want— it’s not until we have things stripped from us that we realize how blessed and fortunate we are. Should this notion keep us from striving for more? That I’m not sure of.

I want to acknowledge how grateful I am that God has always coupled my loss with gain and my pain with joy. All things being equal, I’ve been quite fortunate in my life. And though I will probably always want more… I will always try my best to remain humble and grateful for my current state.

Bria 2.0— I hope you are who I have imagined all these years and I hope that the one thing you maintain from your past self (who we are now) is your heart. Never stop giving, believing, hoping and persevering. Your heart is what makes you who you are after everything else is stripped away.

Live BOLDLY,

Bri

Advertisements

Feelin Like the Start of 26

I decided to write this one from my phone- cause well… who the hell cares where I write from lol

This short week I’ve been on vacation (for my birthday) has taught me 2 major things about myself;

1. That I’m still getting used to being content with myself & not having a gang of people around me 24/7

2. I’m strong ass hell

That first item is hard to admit because, for a long time it was embarrassing to acknowledge the loneliness I felt these past few months. It felt like I was conceding to a loss and to be honest I did lose quite a bit up until this point. The funny thing about it is that I gained so much more in return.

I gained confidence in my independence- understanding that it was okay to be vulnerable and sad and unsure but, to not allow those feeling to debilitate me.

I learned that I am a fighter in truest form and that the same gumption I have in advocating for others – I must have for myself.

I’ve become more humble in owning my mistakes because… well, I’m fucking human and will probably continue to make them lol

Ultimately, I’ve come to truly appreciate my strength of character and understand that the way I forgive & my kindness are not a weakness but, a sign of my power.

Year 25 was a freakin whirlwind of hard lessons, tough decisions ,and hurt feelings -sprinkled with professional development, successes, and the start of several unique friendships.

It also was a year of growth in my relationship with my boyfriend (of 4+ years). I’ll save that for another blog lol

I’m thankful to have reached year 26 ,and I’m so curious as to what experiences I will have next.

I’m ready!

Live Boldly,

Bri

Follow me on IG @purekiss

3 Ways I Create Supportive Energy- Cause I’m not Feelin…Unsupportive Energy

So I know my title has veered off of the usual theme of  “I’m Feeling Like”, but I think it is important to change things up sometimes.

Unsupportive energy comes from being in an environment or being surrounded by people who drain you of your light and/or make you feel like the “impossible” is in fact “impossible”.

I’ve been in that type of environment & I’ve been around those types of people and it did nothing but, make me internalize negative feelings of self-doubt and allow room for me to manifest excuses/rationale on why I shouldn’t or couldn’t achieve what my heart desired.

It’s safe to say that through all the transformations God has allowed me to grow through – the most significant has been the realization that sometimes you are your best and number one supporter. The tail-end of my 25th year has been heavily focused on independence & riddled with lessons on accountability a.k.a ” your fucked up because, you fucked yourself up by not being thoughtful about the way you navigate situations.”

To say that I have found ways to fill myself with joy, give myself moments of introspection and surround myself with 100% positive/supportive energy would be a bold-faced lie Hahaha- but, to say that I’m striving everyday to get there- is the truth!

Here are the 3 ways I generate supportive energy for myself;

  1. I read self-help books (yes! I know it sounds super corny but, after I got done turning my nose up to the idea that words on page could influence my thoughts…I opened myself up to the possibility and TA-DOW! I literally haven’t stopped reading them).
  2. I pray- A LOT! (Now, I don’t want to turn this into a biblical blog but, I have to be honest & say that though I am no an avid church goer there are a few bible verses that speak to me on a very personal level. The one I identify with the most is about not worrying & giving all your troubles to the Lord letting him guide your footsteps & heal your soul).
  3. Philippians 4:6-7New Living Translation (NLT)

  4. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.Lastly, I speak & deal with those people that have proven to me that they believe in me and support what I choose to do with my life. These select people are positive, they are uplifting and they all have the ability to make me laugh uncontrollably (which is a non-negotiable because, laughter is scientifically proven to manifest feelings of happiness & calm).

To wrap this potentially too long blog up… I will say guard your heart, your space & your thoughts. Only surround yourself with positive & supportive energy…& anyone or anything that doesn’t fall into that category- sis…bro…let them/it GO!

Live Boldly,

Bri

Follow me on IG @purekiss

Feelin Like…Don’t Half-As(S)k Me…

unnamed

Okay…so… this is not the easiest blog piece to write but, I feel like it’s unequivocally necessary for me to share what I’m feeling- no holds barred with the people that actually are following every post I share.

I have a problem—

& my problem is the lack of interest people have in the lives of others.

Think about it- How often does someone walk up to you and say, “Hey, how are you?” & you respond with, “Fine” or ” I’m doing okay.”  When internally you are literally dying for someone to take the time to throw you a line? It’s like your mind is screaming for help but, your mouth is refusing to give-up any clues to your slowly dissolving spirit

<brutal right?!>

The reality is- rarely is anyone ever just doing ‘fine’ or ‘okay’ but, it really doesn’t matter because the person who incites the question rarely sticks around long enough for you to elaborate on the real answer.

This sucks—

& it sucks, in my personal opinion, now more than ever because of the influx of racially charged chaos that has been occurring as well as, the massive overflow of violence the world has been experiencing, in general. It all has been enormously emotionally taxing on all of us (i.e. recent school shootings & any Trump-related news). Not only does the world around us seem to be crumbling but, we all have our own personal demons that we are dealing with.

I use the word ‘demons’ loosely referring to any and all tribulations you feel are drowning you where you stand. I personally feel excruciatingly unfulfilled & this is a problem for a free spirit like mine because the lack of fulfillment translates into a feeling of entrapment & that coupled with other extraneous factors currently stressing me out- manifests itself into physical ailments that exacerbate the disease I’ve been dealing with for a  few years now. (I promise one day I will get into the specifics- but, often times it’s easier to spill about trials in retrospect than while you’re experiencing them.)

Anyways, this is my roundabout way of saying- don’t ask me how I’m feeling if you don’t want a real answer because honestly, words mean nothing without the follow-up.

Remember, we are all human. We’ll all be UP at certain points and unfortunately, we all fall DOWN but, to not acknowledge the ebb & flow that occurs in the lives of those you work with, live with or choose to hang with is downright inconsiderate.

Don’t waste my time or anyone else’s for that matter. If you really could care less about my life- I’ll respect you more if we leave our communication just at “Hello”.

Live BOLDLY,

Bri

Follow me on IG @purekiss

Feelin like Forgiveness…

I know…I know…

It seems like I am always going through some type of self-reflection right? lol Welp! I hate to say it, but that’s life. You are (or should be) constantly growing & rediscovering things about yourself, how you can improve, and how best to interact with & treat the people around you.

Anyways- I noticed that though I have said in the past that I had forgiven those who have wrong me.

I honestly, had not.

& I know now that- I hadn’t because, whenever I thought of that particular person or people my stomach would ache & I would almost immediately get a feeling of overwhelming sadness, rage or just general discontentment. These feelings were not & are not healthy.

For me, writing is therapeutic & I literally feel weights being lifted from my body when I put words to a page. So, I decided that from now on – when I am dealing with a person or people that have done me wrong or I feel that I’m developing ill- will towards that person or people- I would write them a letter.

Crazy? Nah. Let me explain.

In most instances when you write a letter you intend to mail it off & receive a response in return- Right?

Well the letters that I write are not created with a response in mind, they are literally me- venting- saying all those words & expressing all of those feelings that I can not (or maybe should not lol) say out loud or to that person. Just getting those words out- releasing those feelings is so necessary for both mental & physical health.

So, in conclusion ( jk this is so not an academic paper lol) I have quite a few letters to write but of those, I’ve written so far…I feel I am inching closer & closer to moving on & letting go.

P.S. I’m considering burning or shredding the letters I’ve written after I’ve read them a few times. In my opinion, me holding on to them defeats the purpose of me forgiving them & truly letting the situation go…

Live BOLDLY,

Bri

Follow me on IG @purekiss

Feelin like Self- help is Helping…

My mother recently sent me a box of books.

Naturally, I was excited to add some new reads to my list. However, when I saw the types of books they were… I instantly called her up & demanded to know why she chose to send me so many books that were centered around the idea that “I needed help.”

Needless to say, she told me to give them a chance & I agreed.

I started with “You are a Badass” by Jen Sincero, which is focused on illustrating ways to help you identify & change bad behaviors that keep you from living the life that you want. Much to my surprise, being only half way through this New York bestseller has allowed me to understand and recognize my own detrimental behaviors. I didn’t realize how closely my struggles in life were related to the subconscious beliefs and ideas I’ve developed over the years.

book

For example, Jen says, ” Our subconscious mind contains the blueprint for our lives. It’s running the show based on the unfiltered information it gathered when we were kids, otherwise known as our “beliefs.”

She goes on to provide an example of a child seeing his/her father constantly struggling financially, complaining about how money doesn’t grow on trees and then neglecting him/her because they’re always off trying to make ends meet. Due to this experience, this child now associates money with struggle, unavailability, pain and abandonment. As an adult, this experience now manifests itself as an inherent “mistrust” of money, the belief that money is unavailable to them and that on the ‘off- chance’ that they make a good amount, it will lead to a person they love abandoning them.

Now, I’m sure at this point we can all imagine how these types of thoughts can be self-sabotaging and extremely limiting.

For me, that scenario couldn’t have been more relatable, give or take a few details,  replace the working father with a hard working/struggling mother and add in a father struggling with alcoholism. You could imagine the negative things I associate with money & you can also imagine how I struggle accepting the idea that there is an abundance of it available to me for the taking, if I just allow myself the right opportunities.

Replacing negative subconscious beliefs with positive affirmations is something that I have committed to for the next month. I will be reinforcing my worth, my importance & my openness to opportunity everyday.

Here is one affirmation that I started saying, that really gives me energy:

“I am who I am because, that’s who I need to be. I know everything I need to know in this moment to survive in this moment & I am valued, wanted and loved beyond measure.”

I encourage you to think up your own affirmations, that work for & energize you so that you can begin to rid yourself of negative-success inhibiting beliefs.

Live BOLDLY,

Bri

Follow me on IG @purekiss

Feelin like Growth…

“Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness & growth occurs while you’re climbing it.” 

-Andy Rooney ( American radio/ TV writer & personality)

It’s BIGGER than hair!

I wanted to lead with that statement because, I want to ensure that you keep in mind while reading this entry that the drastic change in my hair aesthetic didn’t really have much to do with my hair at all.

If you can recall, November of last year, when I started this blog, marked a time of great change in my life. Not only did I move on from several friendships but, I experienced a lot of self reflection.
I began the journey of truly understanding what “Bria”, the 25 year old Black woman wanted for her life. Outside of the degrees, lofty career goals & materialistic bullshit – what “I” really wanted for myself. My answer was clear as day- Peace of Mind!
All I wanted & currently want is Peace-
Peace from drama-
Peace from unrealistic expectations-
Peace from self-doubt-
Peace from toxic people-
Peace in spirituality –
Peace over my entire life.
I learned quickly, that Peace of Mind, comes at a cost.
Not monetary but, it requires you to put yourself first.
& truly first!
Meaning sacrificing some relationships that don’t accommodate the needs you must satisfy to attain your peace- taking time away from a job or other full- time commitments- saying “NO” & standing firm on it regardless of hurt feelings or nasty looks & ultimately stripping away the constant need to put others before “self”.
So this #blondeee right!? Why did I do it? Well, honestly the initial big chop helped me release myself from past baggage & subconsciously lighten my mental load. However, 5 months into the “chop” I realized I was stepping back into my old way of “staying safe” & trying to maintain an “acceptable aesthetic”. I didn’t want to bring too much attention to myself or make others uncomfortable. I also didn’t want to be judged negatively by my look- meaning that I didn’t want people doubt my acumen because, of my creative outward expression.
Welp, let’s just say I was headed down that spiral & quickly snapped out of it. This hair journey began with me needing a change & wanting to release myself from the judgement of others. So, I went for it! Despite what people may think of me. Despite drawing too much attention & regardless of the off chance that I may look completely crazy!
I went for it!
& guess what?
This was yet again, the best decision I could have ever made approaching the cusp of my 26th year.
I’m growing & I’m proud of myself.
I encourage you to do what makes you happy & brings you peace.
Living for you is the best decision you will ever make.
Live BOLDLY,
Bri
Follow me on IG @purekiss